Sane but not too sane

Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

GUNKY

Is it really a word? The internet defines GUNK as: SLANG for any oily, viscous, a thick, messy substance.

When I use it in a sentence, it goes something like this:’I just feel gunky’. Not too different than I feel right now: I’m not too sick, I just feel gunky. I’m coughing; my sinuses feel full; my eustachian tubes are clogged; my throat is scratchy; my whole body is beginning to ache.

It always gets worse at night: the cough; the throat; the cloggy nose. I guess it’s time for an early night and a Tylonal.

It seems that during the day there are so many things to keep my mind off how I feel but when the sun goes down, my body goes downhill too.

So I guess it’s time for me to take some time and just rest. The weather is supposed to be cold, snowy, and icy. Maybe the weather man will be right tomorrow and I will have a good excuse to stay home and rest.

If not, maybe I’ll stay home anyway. It just depends on how GUNKY I feel.

I’m HUNGRY but……..

it actually feels good. You see if my stomach feels empty, and I can feel that emptiness, it’s the first step. It’s been a long time since I could actually say, “I’m hungry”.

Most of my life I’ve eaten for every reason BUT hunger. I’m bored; I’m nervous; I’m scared; I’m excited; I’m happy; I’m watching TV; I’m watching a movie; I’m cooking; I’m sitting; I’m standing. I think you get the picture.

Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been except maybe when I was pregnant. It’s not good for my health. My knees hurt; my feet hurt; I don’t sleep well at night.

What to do? What to do? I’ve tried about every diet in the books. And look at me now! Bigger than ever.

So my friend, Debby, and I are trying to keep each other accountable. We are reading books together and talking to each other at least once a week.

Last Wednesday, I began again. Beginnings are good. It’s starting over. But being 8 months away from 60 and 3 months away from our vacation in Florida (shorts and swimsuits), it’s time to get serious.

Figuring out when I’m hungry and when I’m not, is the first step. It’s 10:21 PM and I’M HUNGRY!!!!!

Should I pick Fruits & Veggies, Whip Cream or Yogurt before bed?

I’m choosing—————!!!

Grumpy – Part 2

I can’t sleep. It’s 1 AM and I’ve been grumpy for days. I so easily see GRUMPY in others but it takes me almost a week to recognize it in myself.

Isn’t that just the way it is? It’s so easy to see the faults of others but not recognize the same issues in yourself.

Sometimes I just get tired of taking care of others. I love all the others I take care of but just like my grandson Jonah often says “It’s just hard sometimes”.

Too often I jump before I think. Many times there isn’t a soft landing. I’m not one to think things through before I say “yes”.  I have a poster with a cute puppy with his head stuck in the hole of a fence. The title of the poster is: It’s much easier to get into things than out of them….. That’s me to a tee.

I try to do too much: husband; dad;  grandchildren; church library; piano lessons; Bible Study; church nursery;  AWANA ; book club; cook; clean; knitting classes; I think I’ve made my point — Grumpy….

It just came to a head a few hours ago when I got mad at my father for doing something he does every night – leave his clothes on the floor so I can launder them. I’m tired, but that’s no excuse; I’m concerned about my husband’s upcoming surgery, but that’s no excuse; I’m overcommited, but that’s no excuse.

What it boils down to is this. When I’m frustrated with my own life, I take it out on the ones I love. Why is that? It’s something I need to ponder.

Life—-“It’s just hard sometimes”

Grumpy

OK, I know it’s been awhile since my children were in first grade, so I probably shouldn’t have said what I said. But I did and got caught.

I was having lunch with J who I mentor once a week. We spend time playing games and of course eating lunch. I was observing the cafeteria monitors who seemed to be just downright grumpy. So I mentioned it to J. MISTAKE… BIG MISTAKE…..

One of the monitors came over to ask if I was J’s mother, at which point I was taken a bit off guard. I’m 9 months away from turning 60 and yet this woman asks  if I was a 7- year- old’s mother. Actually, maybe I should have taken it as a compliment.

I digress. After we spoke for just a few minutes, J piped up and said “She thinks you’re grumpy”…..Open mouth— insert foot. The monitor then began to explain why I might think she was grumpy. Awkward…. Very awkward…..

Lesson learned! Don’t ever say anything to a 7-year-old that you don’t want repeated. Did I mention I’m almost 60?