Sane but not too sane

I’ve done it again. I lost something very important to me. I PANICKED!!!!  I overcommited again and paid for it.

I started the day at Norm’s Coffee Bar with a friend who was attempting to teach me to crochet. I’m sure Jonah would call it “hooking”. It’s my second attempt. Maybe this time it will stick. Two needles just seems easier than one hook.

At 11:30, I realized I was late for my mentoring meeting, so I grabbed my stuff and ran. After meeting with my little girl, I stopped to get Dottie at the groomers, ran to KFC  and drove home to take dad lunch before heading to my piano lesson.

I arrived there to find there had been a mixup in times and someone else was taking his lesson. I waited awhile and updated my phone calendar. When I sat down at the piano, I realized my lesson book was missing. It was the last book that I’d practiced and was most likely still on my piano. I had two other books so I played what I’d practiced and called it a day.

Running late again, I stopped at Sonic for my favorite 1/2 price drink, a diet cherry limeade, and headed to McPherson.

By now it was almost 4 PM. Why McPherson, you ask, so late in the day? Well, again  I bit off more than I could chew. I’m in the middle of a two at a time toe up sock class. I was a bit lost and needed some questions answered.

I wanted to get home by 5:30 to walk the dog before dark so I knew it would have to be a quick trip. I parked the car, reached behind me for my Yarning bag. Couldn’t feel it. No problem. I was sure it was just somewhere else in the van. I got out, opened both side doors and started searching. I just knew it was in there. I looked under the same seats at least a dozen times, but no bag could be found.

So there I was, already late, in McPherson without my knitting.  A fellow classmate was in the shop knitting her socks  so I watched her, asked questions, and took notes.

By this time it was 5:15. Clouds were gathering in the west and I was at least 30 miles from home. I jumped back in the van and headed home, rejoicing  that the speed limit was now 75 miles an hour, all the while thinking about where my knitting bag could be.

You see, my dad gave me the money for that bag. It was a one of a kind bag made out of a felted sweater. I fell in love with it because of its uniqueness, size, and unusual button. Its contents contained the hat I was knitting for my dad, my two at a time socks, and my beginning crochet project.

I figured it had to be somewhere at home but the problem was I couldn’t remember taking it into the house. I got home a few minutes after sunset, raced into the house to take a quick look around before walking the dog. NO BAG!!!!!!

On my walk I again hypothesized about the missing bag. Where in the world could it be?

Who would want to steal a bag that was made out of an old sweater with 3  half-finished projects?

I returned from the walk and started a late supper for the men in my life.

Then it hit me! What if I had left it at Norms? I had been in a hurry to get to my mentoring meeting. But surely the other ladies in my group would have seen it and called me. Could someone have stolen it from Norms?

Norms is a coffee bar opened only in the mornings except a couple of nights a week. I prayed. I called. No answer. I looked up the Norms hours on the internet.  OPEN DAILY, except Sundays, at 6:30 AM. It was going to be a long night.

I called my piano teacher who is also my pastor’s wife to see if they knew the home number of the owner. Why call my pastor for the number, you ask. The owner of Norms is also a pastor and in my state of panic, I figured that our pastor MUST have all the other church pastors  on speed dial. No such luck!!!

I tried Norms one more time. I prayed again. This time I got an answer. They were open from 7 to 10 on Thursdays and Fridays. I explained my situation. I described where I had been sitting. THEY FOUND IT… Right where I left it.

Miracle of miracles, it’s happened again. I can count on less than one hand the items I have  lost and never found. It would take me both hands and feet plus probably all my husband’s extremities to count how many items I have lost, panicked, and eventually found what I was looking for.

It seems I have a very difficult time learning lessons God is clearly teaching me. Things happen over and over again, yet I continue in the same pattern.

Is it my overcommitment? Is it my frazzled brain? Right now at 12 AM, I’m going to blame it on one of many Senior Moments that are bound to increase if I don’t stop, listen, and learn what I’m being taught.

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I’m HUNGRY but……..

it actually feels good. You see if my stomach feels empty, and I can feel that emptiness, it’s the first step. It’s been a long time since I could actually say, “I’m hungry”.

Most of my life I’ve eaten for every reason BUT hunger. I’m bored; I’m nervous; I’m scared; I’m excited; I’m happy; I’m watching TV; I’m watching a movie; I’m cooking; I’m sitting; I’m standing. I think you get the picture.

Right now I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been except maybe when I was pregnant. It’s not good for my health. My knees hurt; my feet hurt; I don’t sleep well at night.

What to do? What to do? I’ve tried about every diet in the books. And look at me now! Bigger than ever.

So my friend, Debby, and I are trying to keep each other accountable. We are reading books together and talking to each other at least once a week.

Last Wednesday, I began again. Beginnings are good. It’s starting over. But being 8 months away from 60 and 3 months away from our vacation in Florida (shorts and swimsuits), it’s time to get serious.

Figuring out when I’m hungry and when I’m not, is the first step. It’s 10:21 PM and I’M HUNGRY!!!!!

Should I pick Fruits & Veggies, Whip Cream or Yogurt before bed?

I’m choosing—————!!!

One Lady ? Two Gents!!

For the first time in 37+ years, I’m outnumbered. There are two females and two males in this household but one of the gals is a hound.  Not only am I outnumbered, I’m living with two men who are about as opposite as hamburgers and hot dogs; pickles and ice cream; steak and eggs; lemons and sausage; cool whip and olives. Can you tell that I’m on a diet?

To get back on topic….”Things, they are a changin”!

Gary and I raised three daughters. We lived with Gary’s dad on the farm for 20+ years. The girls outnumbered the guys at a 4 to 2 ratio for much of our married life. Then it was just Gary and I. But now it’s different.

One falls asleep while watching TV; the other strikes up a conversation during the climax of a movie (I’m glad we have DVR); one speaks only when spoken to; the other enjoys telling stories; one eats to live, the other loves to eat. I think you get the picture.

What it boils down to is this. I’m living with my opposite and I’m living with me. Does that make sense? Dad and I so much alike; Gary and I are so different. And Dottie, the queen bee, is just Dottie.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this. Don’t get too accustomed to your life the way it is. Trust me, it will change. Change is not bad, it’s just different. It can be easy for some but for me right now, it just isn’t.

I’ve been adjusting to many changes in the past 9 months: living with two men; not working outside the home; realizing my body is wearing out;having a man around the house 24/7 and in 5 months having two men around 24/7. What to do? What to do?

Live with it and enjoy the challenge or complain and be unhappy.

Two Gents, One Lady….. OUTNUMBERED!!!!!

I’m stepping up to the challenge!!!

 

Sunrise? Sunset !!!

It’s one of my favorite songs…. Look up the words on Google, sometime. But the topic of this blog is not about the song or its lyrics. It’s about the song God puts in the sky each morning and evening, especially in Kansas.

I’m sure a lot of people outside of Kansas may argue with me, but we have the most beautiful sunsets, period!!! It doesn’t hurt that the terrain is so flat that they are easily seen. That being said, I love sunsets.

You may ask about our sunrises. I really don’t know. I’m not a morning person. I love taking walks at sunset but I’m rarely awake for our sunrises.

Back to why I decided to write on this topic. I seldom take my camera or phone with me when I walk so I never get a picture of what I see. But inevitably, I see the most breathtaking sunsets while I’m driving. I will more likely have a car accident because of attempting to take pictures while driving and not because I text or talk on the phone.

Tonight, on the way to a dinner meeting in Wichita, was a case in point. I was on I-135 and just couldn’t help myself. I tried to snap a picture with my phone. But as you can see, especially at the upper right, pictures never do justice to the real thing. Maybe, it’s because I’m not a professional photographer; maybe it’s because I was taking pictures with my cell phone; or maybe because I was driving. I don’t think so. I believe it’s very difficult to take a picture of God’s magnificent creation.

It’s January and I’ve been walking our dog morning, noon, and night since Gary’s surgery. The weather has been unbelievably mild and the sunsets just gorgeous. So while the weather is so nice, or even if it isn’t, take some time to enjoy one of God’s many gifts to us, our indescribable sunsets.

And if you take walks at sunrise, feel free to let me know if they are worth getting up for.

Queen and Worker Bee

We were relaxing before getting out of bed yesterday morning. Dottie, our rescue dog, wanted to join us in our king sized bed. As she laid beside me, Dottie kept nudging herself closer and closer to the middle of the bed.

“Who does she think she is?” I asked my dear husband. “She’s the queen.” he said. “Who am I, then?” I ask. “The worker bee.” he said.

WOW!!!  Our dog is a queen and I’m a worker bee. I guess it’s not far from the truth. One of the meanings of the name Deborah is bee. And even if I’m not working outside the home, I am working; volunteering at church and one of the local elementary schools not to mention taking care of my father here at home.

I like this kind of work. I feel less stressed and more rested. I’m still working. It’s just a different type of work. There is more laundry, more cleaning, more cooking, more walking the queen, more errands to run. I think you get the picture. It’s more physical work and I love it.

I thought I would miss my job as a speech/language pathologist but I really don’t. I loved working with the kiddos but the paperwork was just out of control. I miss the kids and many of the people I worked with but not the late nights I spent writing reports; lesson plans; filling out forms: paperwork. I guess I was a worker bee there too.

This worker bee enjoys being home with her husband and father. This worker bee likes  having time to: study my Bible more; spending more time with my grandkids; reading more; knitting more; volunteering more.

Worker Bee: Not a bad bee to be…….

YARNING

I love to knit. I love to buy yarn. My stash (yarn that is purchased by the knitter, with or without a specific project in mind, that is stored away and not knit) is getting out of control.

So this is my year of the WIP (work in progress), projects that will be hopefully done soon and the year of the DESTASH, which will mean looking through my already purchased yarn when beginning a project BEFORE buying more yarn.

As I said before, I love yarn. I love the colors, the combination of colors in variegated yarn, I even love the original names given to many yarns, I love the smell of it, but most of all, I love the feel of really soft yarn. If it doesn’t feel good on my neck, I won’t buy it.

Saying that, there is a lot of yarn out there that feels really good to me. I have two huge tubs, 1 smaller tub, and several drawers full of very nice yarn. I also have two shelves of sock yarn and another little cabinet of dishcloth yarn.  I really think it will be very possible to buy very little yarn this decade. At least my dear husband is hoping so.

But I need to get back to the title of this blog. YARNING….. Again I will refer to my grandson, Jonah. According to Jonah, I don’t knit, I YARN. Here is a recent conversation with Jonah: “What are you yarning, grandma?” “I’m knitting a dishcloth, Jonah.”  “What are you yarning with?” “It’s yarn, Jonah.”

It’s actually quite logical, really. Why wouldn’t you yarn with yarn? When I went to pick Jonah up from school, he wanted his teacher to meet me but mostly he wanted her to see what I was yarning. I love it.

I love Jonah who sometimes  makes more sense in what he says than most people I know. You see Jonah has high functioning autism. So he is definitely very literal. You just never know what is going to come out of his mouth. But that’s the beauty of it. That’s the fun of it. Jonah is Jonah.  I really need to carry a little notebook to write down Jonahisms. There are many and they make me laugh.

After being quite grumpy this last week, I need to laugh. I need to remember some of Jonah’s little sayings. They make me smile. He makes me smile. And that’s what we all need to do more often:  Laugh and Smile……

YARNING,  it makes me smile.

I can’t sleep. It’s 1 AM and I’ve been grumpy for days. I so easily see GRUMPY in others but it takes me almost a week to recognize it in myself.

Isn’t that just the way it is? It’s so easy to see the faults of others but not recognize the same issues in yourself.

Sometimes I just get tired of taking care of others. I love all the others I take care of but just like my grandson Jonah often says “It’s just hard sometimes”.

Too often I jump before I think. Many times there isn’t a soft landing. I’m not one to think things through before I say “yes”.  I have a poster with a cute puppy with his head stuck in the hole of a fence. The title of the poster is: It’s much easier to get into things than out of them….. That’s me to a tee.

I try to do too much: husband; dad;  grandchildren; church library; piano lessons; Bible Study; church nursery;  AWANA ; book club; cook; clean; knitting classes; I think I’ve made my point — Grumpy….

It just came to a head a few hours ago when I got mad at my father for doing something he does every night – leave his clothes on the floor so I can launder them. I’m tired, but that’s no excuse; I’m concerned about my husband’s upcoming surgery, but that’s no excuse; I’m overcommited, but that’s no excuse.

What it boils down to is this. When I’m frustrated with my own life, I take it out on the ones I love. Why is that? It’s something I need to ponder.

Life—-“It’s just hard sometimes”